i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
