dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
