I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
