I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
