You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
