Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
