i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
