I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This baby is an asshole
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
