he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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