You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
