Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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