just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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