Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
