Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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