How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
