I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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