u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
as a side note pls kill me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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