i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
