"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
how drunk are you?
Several
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
