her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
