At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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