You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
