4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
