I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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