she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
