Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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