i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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