lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
