RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
