I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
