Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
