I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
