The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
