All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
