There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
