turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
