i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
