I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
