Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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