someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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