You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
