Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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