I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
