jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
