so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
