you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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