yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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