do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
