Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
