google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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