walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
